from now on my penis is your penis
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We need to rekindle our bromance
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
