New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
