morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
