how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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