2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
