Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
