Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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