So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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