its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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