im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
