does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
