Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
we're so committed to being not committed
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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