ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
