I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
