Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
