Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
jump out the window naked night went bad
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