Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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