I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
