Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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