Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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