My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
