I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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