I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
