I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i think my cat just said my name.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
