it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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