I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
