I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
