if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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