I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
