dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
ambylanc
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
