whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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