Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
