Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
