Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
