Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
