When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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