worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
