I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
