i already hear my dad disowning me
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
