Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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