Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
