Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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