i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
