remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
