Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
