where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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