for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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