this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
