Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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