good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize