I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
