i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
