So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Swine flu. Run for my life!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I can't put those talents on a resume
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
