'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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