I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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