dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize