If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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