I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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