Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
