Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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