my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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