I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
