drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
