While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
