Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
