idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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