A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Randomize
